I don't know what to write about.
I shouldn't say it like that. I don't know what to write about because the star of the show is being quiet and not giving daddy any material. I have many things on my mind, but putting them down on paper has been hard.
I was reading the online version of our local paper earlier today when a headline caught my eye. I didn't read the article, but the phrase caught my eye because the exact thought has been rolling around in my head. The headline read: "Lull Before the Storm." It's a cliche and I know it, but it it is so relevant to our situation. As we took our daily walk around the block I looked up at the sky and I saw some clouds in a sky that had been clear only hours before. Life is like the weather: it is predictable in its unpredictability.
I can't help but feel conflicted in my thoughts and emotions at the moment. One part of me is ready to go at a moment's notice; I know where the bags are, I know where the hospital is, and I know what I have to do when I get there. This side of me is excited and completely prepared for what is coming. This is the part of me that is trying to enjoy the final fleeting moments of peace.
The other part of me is restless, anxious and impatient. Sometimes (very rarely) it can be hard to be the un-pregnant one in the relationship. I only have a second hand sense of what is going on. If my wife doesn't tell me anything, I am in the dark. As a result, I'm over-analyzing every breath she takes. If she looks uncomfortable for just a second I have to know exactly what is going on. Most of the time I just wait for her to tell me, otherwise I would drive her insane by asking her all the time. This is also the side of me that expects to pass out in the hospital.
If we look at the calendar Anaya still has a couple of days left. If you ask us, she is very late. Every second feels like an eternity as we wait for her to make an entrance. All we can do is take another lap around the block and wait for her to make up her mind.
No comments:
Post a Comment