Impatiently Patient.

We have a crib, a car seat, tons of baby clothes, diapers, and no baby.

My wife and I are becoming impatient to say the least, and I really don't know why. The "official" countdown app on my phone says there are still nine days left, but for some reason it feels like she should already be here. We started off with nothing, and now that we have everything it  feels so useless because we are still missing the most important part. Like a Thanksgiving meal with all the trimmings, but no turkey. 

Several appointments ago the doctor said to us that she could come early, and  that has stuck in our minds like a bad song. We know that the doctor is just making an educated guess, but to us her words become truth. It's our inexperience combined with our desire to meet our little girl. We heard what we wanted to hear, and now we cannot un-hear it. 

The hospital bags are packed and ready to go at a moments notice. Even the smallest  contraction makes us wonder, "Is this the one?" So far, it hasn't been the one, and that just adds to our impatience. In our minds, the timer starts only to stop moments later.

I know that we don't really have a reason to be impatient. Her due date is still days away, and she could even be born after her due date. If anything, we should be treasuring these last days of peace and tranquility.

Then again, we do have a reason to be impatient. We are impatient to see what she looks like, to hear what she sounds like, to smell what she smells like, and to feel what she feels like. We are impatient to hold her and to touch her. We are impatient to show her to our friends and family. We are impatient to post pictures online and have the everyone say how beautiful she is. 

Thankfully, life has a way of keeping is grounded. Our family, jobs, and other responsibilities are still keeping us busy. Those are the things that occupy our minds and our time. Without them we probably would have gone crazy by now, which is still a possibility. It is easier to type this than is is to accept it, but we know that she will come when she is ready. Hopefully she will be ready sooner rather than later. 

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Once again I would like to mention my friends Jason and Naomi Rice and their adoption. They are raising money until the 15th, and they could use your help. If you can't donate help them spread the word. You can do so by visiting their blog here and you can read their entire story here.

Sleepless in the Nursery

Every once in a while I mild insomnia attacks. Tonight is one of those nights. Sleep is evading me like a wanted criminal. It's always the same thing with me; I can't seem to find the switch to my brain at night. In fact, it is the opposite; my mind goes into overdrive when I am trying to find comfort in the warm embrace of sleep.

So I came to the room formerly known as my man-cave to try and sort out my thoughts. The space is quickly turning into a nursery, and my workspace has become more of an afterthought. When we started we said that her nursery would be in my office. The reality is that soon my office will be in her nursery. 

It is a violent collision of two worlds. My side is defined by my work space: a desk, computer, a printer, notebooks, and random USB cables. Her side is centered around her beautiful crib which is ready for her arrival. It has a crib set, a mobile, and a warm blanket. My side has football posters, memorabilia, and my guitars. Her side has a comfy glider where Mommy will rock her to sleep while Daddy is studying for finals. My side is yellow and green; her side is pink. 

The room has become a metaphor or an illustration of what I have been going through for the past few months. Ever since we found out that we were having a girl I have been going through a transformation of sorts. I was so convinced that we were having a baby boy I was starting to refer to her by the boy name we had picked out. All of that changed the moment we were confronted with reality. I was going to buy a little pair of sneakers for a little boy. I can still buy them, but they will be slightly different.

Before

After.

The change was sudden, abrupt, and hard to deal with at first. With time, I have made the transformation in my heart and in my mind. I think part of my problem was that I only had brothers growing up, and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to relate to a little girl. Now I know that won't be the case. I'm not saying that I'm completely ready for the task, but I know that I will grow and learn with her.

Everything about this pregnancy has changed since the beginning. Even this blog is different, and the way I write about this baby is different because I know more about who this baby is. I'm actually thinking of incorporating some pink into the blog theme. Then again, maybe not.

If you ever came into this room you would learn so much about our little family. You would know which football team I am loyal to, and you would know that we are having a baby girl. You might observe that I'm slightly disorganized, but you might also observe that my wife has made every effort to make this nursery a place of love and comfort for our baby girl.

Parts of this room that have yet to find their identity; like a painting that is waiting for the final brush strokes of the artist. We can fill it with more teddy bears, and more diapers, but it will still be empty without her.

We are anxiously waiting for her, but we are enjoying our final moments of freedom.

Anaya's crib

Sign for her nursery that my wife made

 

Anaya looking at her things

Time......is

There is never enough time for anything. As I near the end of Spring term I can't help but think how fast time has gone by. In just a few weeks I will be done with school for a few weeks. As I sit here typing this, I can't help but feel a twinge of guilt knowing that I should be doing homework instead of blogging...

Anyways, I was chatting with a cousin in Mexico and we were talking about how there doesn't seem to be enough time to do anything. In the last few weeks of school I have a long report due, two math tests, a mock trial, an astronomy final, literature final, and all kinds of homework for those classes. On top of all of that there is work and my church activities. We are also starting birthing classes too. Oh, and we're having a baby soon.

Here is the interesting part; while it seems that life is flying past us at the speed of light, waiting for Anaya feels like we are wading through molasses. Time seems to come to a crawl when we think that in 60-some days we are going to have a baby. The only other time I feel time move so slowly is during "class discussions" in one of my more boring classes.

Time is an interesting phenomenon; it is really hard to define it. Recently, I had a moment when I realized how fast time really moves. When I was a kid, and hour seemed to be an impossible amount of time. The beginning of the school year felt like base camp on Mt. Everest. Now, for some reason time has a different feel to it; it was like someone hit a giant fast-forward button on a giant VCR. Remember those?

Recently I was in the middle of a conversation on the topic of dreams. A person who knows about such things was saying that in our dreams our minds are not constrained by time; deja-vu exists because our minds have traveled to places that we haven't been before. I don't know if I agree with this person or not, but it's an interesting thought. There are times when I feel that this is all a dream because even though I know she is coming, it still feels like she is far away.

I say all of that to say this, I can't wait for her to be here. I have to constantly remind myself to be patient and appreciate the days we have left before our life is invaded, but it's not easy. I suppose it comes down to human nature; we are always anticipating what is on the other side of the closed door. In this very moment my closed door is time. 

In other baby-related news...I built the crib. Pics to come when we get it all put together.